Anti-Discrimination: Which is the correct response, continued.
A Christian complains about persecution at your company. What is the correct response.
a) Invoke your belief in Liberalism and Democracy while promoting core Atheist ideas
b) Apologise for not seeing eye to eye on such things as the Holy Trinity, then share some jokes about the Catholic Church.
c) Tell your employee how you simply abore prejudice then reach under your desk for one of those pink forms that you fill out when you need to get rid of a troublesome employee.
d) Offer to provide counselling and to root out bigotry.
e) Say with a strange smile, I’m actually a pagan, why aren’t you making blood sacrifices to Baal?
f) Share some of your experiences growing up as a kid in a Christian neighbourhood, then say firmly: Crosses are unhygenic.
g) Offer to share your video history collection of the Roman Games, the ones where they slaughter Christians.
h) Say with a hint of madness, I’ve been baptised, and reborn a number of times thanks, do you have any of those fish stickers, they come in handy when I need to cover rust on the car.
A Jew complains about Anti-Semitism at your company. What is the correct response:
a) Heckle him for not wearing one of those traditional knitted skullcaps
b) Engage him in an entertaining discourse on the joys of eating pork products
c) Ask whether or not his family are descended from apes or pigs.
d) Command Jew to follow the nitty gritty of the Torah and Talmud under pain of being smitten by an invisible force called Jehovah.
e) Patiently request further details, then destroy the evidence while writing up a glowing synopsis of your companies ever-evolving edicts on religion in general.
f) Say, with a smile, some of my best friends happen to be Semites, therefore my company can’t be Anti-Semitic, now can it?
g) Hire a hot shot Jewish lawyer from the wrong end of town and proceed to upbraid said Jew for not being Shomer Shabbos.
h) Offer to provide counselling and to root out Anti-Semitism.
i) Say, with a strange glint in your eye. Hitler was half-right you know, and he could have done a better job if he had destroyed Zionist Russia.
j) Deny there are any real Semites, then entertain said Jew on conspiracy theories about the Kazars.
A Muslim complains about Islamophobia at your company. What is the correct response
A) Say, I entirely understand your position, but wearing a tent on your head isn’t company policy.
B) Refer to the Labour Relations Act then say, This isn’t the Koran now is it?
C) Try this, If you expect to take off the entire month of Ramadaan for religious purposes, why do you have tickets to Sun City?
D) Say in an obsequious manner, our cafeteria is already Kosher, do you really need Halaal food?
E) Offer to provide counselling and to root out bigotry.
F) Jummah isn’t an officially recognised rest period here, if we let you off for an extra hour we would have to let everyone off.
G) Offer to lower wages so that your employees salary slip reflects a Sharia friendly banking system.
H) Call the nearest mental hospital and say: Come quick, I have a deranged towel-head in my office.
I) Make light of a local history of oppression and suffering, then say: My forefathers were also slaves once.
J) Or try This is a Christian company, you’ll just have to fall in line I’m afraid.
k) Beards are so 14th Century, why would anyone want to wear a beard?
An employee complains about homophobia at your company. Which is the correct response?
A) Homosexuals are nice people too, so you won’t mind being in the nice section, the one where you don’t get paid very much.
B) We don’t want any Gay contagion in this company, do you practice safe sex?
C) I’m sorry I don’t see your point, are you hitting on me?
D) What employees do after hours is none of my business, have you considered castration?
E) We’re very happy to have you here, but you’re using the wrong rest room and wearing the wrong clothing.
F) I’m sorry, but the gym upstairs is for straight men.
G) Who ordered pink stationary, look everyone, the moffie ordered pink stationary.
H) I’m afraid we can’t allow men to wear make-up, its against company policy.
I) If we let you wear a dress, we would have to let everyone wear a dress, that’s why there’s civies day.
J) What do you mean there’s a glass ceiling, most people like you get stuck in their station, look at all the women in the company.
K) Can I offer you counselling, we need to get rid of bigotry in this company.
A black employee complains about racism in your company, which is the correct response:
A) The trouble with you blacks is that you always demanding something.
B) This company was built on the blood and sweat of blacks like yourself, why should we give you shares?
C) We’ve remodelled the black section in the company, so you really have no reason to want access to the white section.
D) I know certain categories of work here appear to be reserved for whites, but that’s the way its always been.
E) Believe me it will take another 300 years for things to even out, do you think colonialism was easy?
F) If it weren’t for us settlers you people would still be singing Kumbaya and dancing around in the bush.
G) You’ll be pleased to know that we have single men’s dorms, so you need not worry about accommodation for your family.
H) Tea girl is what we’ve always called the 50 year old woman who serves tea.
J) Can I offer you counselling, we need to get rid of the bigots in this company.
K) You blacks are different from us, that’s why you do all the donkey work while we are the managers.
An immigrant complains of xenophobia at your company. Which is the correct response?
A) Look, the real reason we hired you is because you’re cheaper than the locals.
B) Sorry, but Chichewa is not one of our 11 official languages.
C) If you wanted maternity leave, why did you get pregnant in the first place?
D) I’m sorry to hear about the death of your sister, but If I gave you time off to see to the funeral, that would eat into our profits.
E) I know you read about health care in one of our glossy company brochures, but that’s only for citizens working in the company.
F) You say you’re from DRC, isn’t that where blacks descended from gorillas?
G) Can I offer you counselling, we need to get rid of xenophobia in our country.
H) Your foreign eating customs are truly foreign and disgusting, this is how we eat food in this country.
I) Why are you wearing a table-cloth, don’t you know how to dress properly?
A Marxist complains of class divisions at your company. Which is the correct response?
A) Look, the reason we have oompa loompers in this company is because nobody else wants to do this kind of work.
B) The international proletariat can kiss my fat bourgeois arse for all I care.
C) Yes, we are oppressing you, that’s why I’m the oppressor and you’re the oppressed.
D) Can I provide you with counselling, we need to get rid of the glass ceiling in this company.
E) I’m docking your pay sport, and you’re damn lucky you don’t have to pay for your boots and overalls
F) I’m sorry but this is a blue collar issue, you’ll have to take it up with your union.
G) There are no class divisions, we’re a meritocracy and you just don’t rank, now beat it.
H) Hey, I totally sympathise with the cause, but my pyramid building bloodline has been running this company for generations.
I) If we paid you fairly for your labour and shared all the profit, where would this company be?