What I’ve learnt in South Africa

What I’ve learnt in South Africa.

If you want to get anywhere, you must have supported apartheid to the bitter end, and then converted to the ANC after the elections.

Faking struggle credentials by associating oneself with anyone who happens to be black is good for business if you happen to be classified white.

You must be able to sprout incomprehensible Marxist gibberish while firmly believing in the value of the Capitalist economy.

Traditions which result in male circumcision are bad if they happen to be European, but good if they come from Africa.

Being pro-Women’s rights but against women actually holding any power that is not mediated by men is considered a virtue in politics.

Being able to mouth off about environmental degradation while favouring an extractive mining industry that pollutes watersheds is also an advantage.

Bling is good if you black, but tres uncool if you white, also township poverty can be ignored along with the deaths of mine-workers.

In fact being able to say: I ordered the killing of mine-workers, can get one a nomination as Deputy President of the country.

Being able to deny that apartheid ever existed while holding some other ethnic group accountable for the countries problems is an important skill.

Speaking on behalf of the “collective” who never bothered to vote for you is a good way of conning people into thinking that they did.

You can get away with writing about your Porsche Cayenne while driving past starving farm-workers if you own a large media outlet.

Building an underground bunker with tax-payers money is one of the fringe benefits of being President.

Waggling your finger at the guards responsible for keeping the President’s wives under lock and key is enough to rank you as an opposition leader.

There are only two Jews living in South Africa, Ronnie Kasrils and Johnathon Shapiro.

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